Im well aware that Im of an age where I could move out if I needed to, and Im immensely grateful that my father is still supporting me. Regardless of all my feelings though, a daughter cannot fill all the emptiness that is felt. People grieve in different ways, but we all experience the pain, the hurt, the sad images that will haunt us probably for the rest of our lives, (it will get better ) the isolation, the depression, guilt, loss of direction, the anger, and the acceptance of what happened and the hope that things will be better in the future. One of the friends that I talked to took it upon herself to call the girlfriend and tell her all my complaints and now my Dad is so mad at me, blaming me cause the girlfriend is upset and is possibly moving out. I opened my huge mouth too quickly. Sorry, again, for the long post theres always a lot for me to get of my chest when it comes to my dad. It seems that tonight, my world was shattered all over again after his phone call. First Id like to say to Curious that I dont think there is a specific length of time that makes it ok to date after a spouse dies. Other folk have mentioned sexual details being mentioned and we had that also. The driver of the RV we took was a friend of my wifes and best friends with my wifes oldest sister. Another website I just left everyone was telling me to grow up, stop being selfish and thats her personnel affair. Your Mom needs to go get a job. The next time I saw her was 2 weeks later in the hospital. I have supported them all the way why cant they both respect my late mother my mom lets her wear my late mothers clothes sleeps here and at their condo it bothers me Im wrong to feel this way? Mom also takes pride in being independent and not putting any pressure on her children to take care of her now that my dad is gone. What if she hates you because youre That would not be my idea of telling those who are angry, devastated, confused and yes feeling it is wrong, disrespectful and hurting the very person you say you want to make happy in the end, DOES CLASS AND DECENCY RIGHT A BELL IN YOUR INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH MIND? If I try to clean (I want to contribute to the house somehow), it gets misconstrued as me trying to take over and not allowing her to make it her home. One of her friends has a special arrangement with her new husband. I didnt mean for this post to get so long theres a lot Im not even saying.. does anyone have any advice on how to get through to the most stubborn man in the world and help him see that the choices hes made have made things more difficult, and now he is only making it worse? Thank you for being so honest in your comments. Webmoving in with mom after dad diedgommone usato a roma oggi Remax Brindisi Ville In Vendita , Miglior Detersivo Lavatrice Ecologico , Primario Gastroenterologia Torrette My responsibility now, and mine alone, mostly, is to see that my children have the best chance of success in life. I am finding myself angry with him and frustrated. Then he gave me the rest and I locked them in a safe so he could not get to them. She sighs constantly and it seems like basic things are just really difficult for her to do. I feel that I am considered an outcast within the family because I cant accept it.
After Mom It will be 6 months on April 24 since my dear mom left us. He has appeared on the "Grieving The Healing Heart" radio program and is published in the 2011 books, "Open To Hope, Inspirational Stories of Healing After Loss," "Grieving the Sudden Death of a Loved One" (2012, DVD), and Grief Diaries - Through the Eyes of Men (2016, book). Hi, Julie. I am glad to see I am not alone. I believe in family values. Its a mess.. on the out side . We toured , we ate , we relaxed we connected again and again. Oh no she wouldnt like to do it she doesnt like waiting around in hosptitals., He can barely walk from one end of the kitchen to the other but then we find out he goes out shopping with her and manages to walk about fine. I realize that you cant always make everyone happy and eventually you have to be in charge of your own happiness, but it is important to talk with those close to you and try to understand what they are feeling and also the reverse, have the children try and understand what the spouse is feeling. This felt like my father was purposely hurting my mother and myself along with my brother. So, I dont know why I cant feel the same way about my father. It was exactly how I feel and sadly where I am at. She found out through a friend that dad did this/had these kind of toys. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Many times, she would make the entire dinner and transport it to my nieces place, leaving them with food for the week. If he wants these things packed up, family should do it, not girlfriends. He has 3 children.D 14, S 18, S 22. We took care of our spouses at home, tube feeding, hospice, hospital visits, radiation therapy and chemotherapies. My heart eyes goes way up every time she messes up our home, bleaching the carpet, breaking things cuz she mindlessly pulls stuff too hard or carelessly. I was out of town on business. Her own son-in-law refused to even enter her house for years. I cry every single day about my mom and then it turns into me crying about my dad. he took her to eat at my daughters favorite restaurant, not a month after my daughter died. She was mad at me because I wouldnt get him out of the meeting to talk with her. This has got to be very tough for you. There are three of us kids and this was hard to deal with. She said that she has insecurities. He talks to me now as if I was 8 sometimes. But like I said, don't forget about yourself. I know way back in my high-school days my mom who acted as the girl in their relationship had an affair I was devastated but to cut the story short when my mom died may 2018 months after around Dec this woman named Cecil started showing up at first I was angry memories and anger that I felt way back came rushing back it was Christmas I didnt want to ruin my moms night I stayed quiet and understood she needed companion. If I become estranged when she move on, it will be easier to deal with the death of that parent as we have already parted in the living years. He really never had time to grieve her passing before he jumped up and remarried either. Hopefully you all got the gist of my situation. Well, Im happy to have found this forum even though there are old entries on here, i hope maybe one person will read my experience. Now he wants one. Its no one elses business. 2. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. Its over. After my fathers burial service, friends and family held a brunch where everyone went around the table and shared a lively anecdote. This is why I feel guilty- because I want him to feel better. Looking for novel in all the wrong places? I believe that you should take into account the children feelings up to a point. However, and this is the crux of the matter- it is my father from whom I am owed a duty of care and not from her. I think he is lost and being stupid. Trying to "solve" her problems for her didn't work. My wife was taken away from me well before February of this year. He insists on talking about this woman non-stop and wants our families (including several grandchildren aged 8 to 14) to spend time with her. I am doing my best to not relive those painful moments when I was a bratto acknowledge that I was simply being a teenager. Hearing Im so sorry for your loss after the death of a loved one is the equivalent of a politician sending thoughts and prayers after a mass shooting. I am sorry that you are going through this. NTA. It was profoundly lonely and its not just the loss of intimicy, its more then that. I mentally slapped myself about the head striving to gain acceptance of my terrible situation. Initially, i tried so his mom passed away two. My husband and I were so shocked that we got sick. I visit every other day alternating with my sister. I once had an argument with my father in which I told him that, and he couldnt stomach it. I decided I was going to finish school for her and myself (which I did!). I will never be the mother of my future step-daughters nor do I want to be. Her dad I have know from teen yearswe were an item, and still have the same attraction we did then. So that is the short version of my story. He may be able to fulfill some of the emptiness he has felt and may feel he at least has a purpose to continue his life. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. So much so that even when you spent time alone with him, he wasnt really there in spirit. The other son would come up and visit Ellens mother who lived next door and then leave and go home without visiting Ellen. She seemed nice enough. Subscribe to be in an end up about money after my heart in taking care of the time helped me wash and see one. What you are going through is understandably painful and confusing to you right now. I couldn't help but feel like my world was quickly falling apart. to get him to see that he is trying to shut down his grieving process because it hurts too much. I dont want my dad to be alone, but what bothers me the most is the affection they show for each other. who knows), but it gives me a bad feeling. So, me and my wife backed out on the trip. We are just trying to cope and move on but Ill tell you, it was way too soon for us. Bro has not been very supportive of me, so our relationship has suffered quite a bit. Of course we cant talk there because his work phone is always ringing or someone is coming in his office and he has no problem quickly dismissing me. I know from experience that it can get very, very, very frustrating. When all of this was happening, I went numb. My dad had threated to leave her a few weeks after this, she begged shed change and she told me TO BACK OFF IF I WANT MY FATHER HAPPY i did. Not trying to be a prick here - but if you could do and IAMA after this ordeal is over I would appreciate it for one as it will show me how people get on with their lives after a loss of soulmate. They should talk with them and truly take their feelings into account. It is so unspeakably insensitive to tell people that the pain and grief they are dealing with could be worse. Dating for over 50 years, my dad moving too difficult to clean out, death of a two-year battle with my mother passed, is tomorrow. I really have no bad feelings for her, I am just hurt and mad at my dad for putting my family and me through this. She is not my family. How to get a good woman. We all are afraid to be alone, we are human beings, social by nature. My father is volatile and a bully and so guiltily I became relieved when she was about as he did not treat me so badly. She felt needed and purposeful. After her death my husband and I continued to live with my dad to keep him company and ease the loneliness. If we complain and say it would really help our lives if she could commit to coming and not change her plans all the time he says This is how we work things.. In your case the perpetrator was your wife so perhaps with work you would learn to trust another again. So, as a girlfriend, find a man that does not hurt his own children for the sake of a woman who was never the mother of his children and use the excuse of making him happy, time does not matter, and who cares about the fact that you have impacted in a very negative and damaging way the relationship in a family. I lost my mom on March 24, 2008 after her very hard fought battle with colon cancer. If I was there I would give you a hug.Listening as you work things out is the best thing a friend could do. Its all about her family and that is what hurts. She was after my father for 40 years! She asked me and my fianc if we would come stay and help her out. Within 2 months before my grandfather passed away. For myself, I dont think my father could care if we genuinely My kids will always be my priority but I need to be happy too. In addition, her other sister lives on the same street, across the driveway, from my dad. He makes zero effort to chat when I visit and tells me they both talk to each other all the time. They talk on the phone often and I believe he gave her a really nice Christmas gift! They only spend week-ends together and during the week they are at their respective homes but she is now entitled to his pension. I only wish that they and others would stop confusing the love and devotion I had for my wife and have to her memory with moving forward and living life. Neither of Ellens sons have children and it doesnt appear that they ever will. Its like I lost my family. I am left feeling very angry and I dont know why. There was a huge blow out after my wedding because my dad disrespected my wishes to not have his wife as part of my procession. Im just trying to have a good relationship. The same goes for everything you have in life; you never know when your life will change, and you may not have a roof over your head or a hot meal to eat. Where they went, what they ate, how they laughed.so I set to trying to say the right thing and be supportive even thought I didnt like the idea of this woman. I saw my dad smile for the first time since right before that dreaded day in the emergency room. Her words to me: your Dad is with me and my family now, your gonna lose your Dad, hes going to pick me over you and at my daughters wedding Im dancing with your Dad, you cant. Dad and I always had a great relationship, lunch, golf, fishing, talks on the phone. We do all the footwork when it comes to trying to maintain a relationship. I think that the parent should be concerned with how their children (even if theyre adults) feel about them dating again. In fact, shes quite shameless on that front. While he was lying in ICU she canceled her thanksgiving plans and invited herself to ours which was a few days later. I understand that the lose of a mother or father is painful. By Thanksgiving time he was insisting that we invite the friend to the family dinner as well or he would not attend. I know in my heart of hearts, that he was thinking about my Mom and maybe might have even had second thoughts. My dad is furious that his brother isnt warm and loving towards his wife, and has been demanding that my sister have nothing to do with him or his wife and said he would have nothing to do with us if we stay in contact with them via threatening emails, and phone calls. Dads drinking and acting like a nut with this woman. there is a minor child living with them, my grandchild. We are fine with him being with her, but cant handle her visiting in my mother-in-laws home sitting in her chair. When the weather permitted, Id meet her at the condo and wed go for a short walk and pick up coffee to sip while we walked. Am I crazy for feeling so disgusted? We took care of our spouses at home, tube feeding, hospice, hospital visits, radiation therapy and chemotherapies. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Save me the details.. Read my previous posting (number 57, on Octber 6th.). They have withdrawn from their father and treat him like if he wasnt related to them, do not answer his calls, messages or emails. Why treat your living parent and new partner like dirt? My dad does things with his new woman that he never would take the time to do with my mom.