Cant. So threatening to make her move out is just not wise. Julia has been . I think theres a frustratingI dont know what to call it, but adding monetary transaction to a relationship doesnt always make it better. You: Yeah, we should. Youve made such a long-term investment in your child already why put the future relationship at such risk? Good luck! Im glad its not a way to get rid of someone/blow them off without saying so. Re #1, true that. I actually have an answer for this one. Source: Facebook. I ask what are your plans for the weekend? *overwhelmingly* more often because Im genuinely curious: then they ask me, and we talk about our hobbies (or I say not much and we agree that laying around is nice.) And making things even harder, so much of this is tonea chipper Why do you ask? to the above question is a soft deferral, whereas a flat Why do you ask may be offputting in a way that leverages a cost. I will probably just need some time to unwind, perhaps to watch the Winter Olympics with my cat.. If theyre someone who usually only asks me to do fun stuff, I may say Free as a bird, as long as I dont have to plan on getting up too early. It shows that you're a calm and cool person who is easy to talk to and has no problem whether someone says hey or hello. If they want to tell you about their kids, they can. Probably so he can finish the conversation with enjoy [fun thing]. I went to a lot of meetings I did not want to go because of this, cause I pretty much was cornered into it after admitting I have not set plans.. But I like to think that Im better at saying no now, even though people do sometimes react badly. Bear in mind that you may only ask where are you from once, but the person with the non-local accent is not unlikely to be asked multiple times a day, every single day for YEARS; and POC may be on the receiving end for their whole lives. 4) "When asked what I did over the weekend, I reply, 'Why, what did you hear?'" 5) And it's weekend memes baby!!! Hence the claim some of your time, or even the if youre available as a way to say, you have to have solid plans if youre going to tell me no; you cant just say you dont want to do it.. Your mother/father and I are going to X, would you like to come along?. Look who is talking. But really those friends should elaborate: What are you doing this weekend?
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I BET YOU WILL LAUGH - Funny videos - YouTube Its just that nobody expects a stranger or lesser known acquaintance to actually want to answer the question literally. Lots of commenters here are noting that people ask about weekend plans as small talk. (FWIW, Im not that extreme myself. This is something that consistently bothers me too although in my case its more just that I dont want to answer that question with my coworkers ever. Im still seething.
What are your plans for the weekend? - Making Sense of English And because family members pitch in. I dont understand the point of the question. Suggesting someones internal dialogue over a situation is a pretty extreme response feels blame-y and a way to police someones (totally valid) feels. Here's the most obvious answer that no one can argue with. Just kind of wanting to converse by text or something. I can also see how always hearing a particular question before being asked a favor is going to start getting on your nerves. I think it goes back to the same annoyng assumption there are people who assume your time is theirs. Crossword puzzles, chess, sudoku, or other puzzle games Cooking Travel Gardening Art, music, crafts, writing, podcasting No, seriously, TheDukeDevlin has the correct answer. Also, if you want people to drop the polite social conventions and be direct with youmaybe try directly telling them this? Especially since shes not working during the dayshe only HAS leisure time.). What are you doing Saturday? might be an attempt to be extra polite about making an invitation, but it only works if the person wants to accept, and its only necessary if the person is too shy to say no. I have to say that I get and have come to dread the variant Are we doing anything Saturday from my mom, who will use it to mean anything from I havent seen you in DAYS and I want to do something with you but dont want to impose by actually asking to I have received an invitation to something but dont want to desert you. what are you doing?. I cringe sometimes because a lot of the send awkwardness back to sender! advice overlaps with the kind of thing he does and yeah, it costs him. Thats the kind of bullshit that is so often behind the oh Im so nice to your differentness behavior belief that you shouldnt be what you are, and that you probably did something not right to get there. I should have specified that this particular woman was white, of a european background, and when she elaborated it was pretty clear that she was getting the I am genuinely curious about you variety of the question and not the You arent REALLY one of us implication. That doesnt make it okay. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. I dont think there is the slightest thing wrong with wanting something in the way of rent for the houseroom and resources she takes up. Relatedly, this is not an impolite thing to say. Well see you at other times but this ones for us.. Helen Huntingdon, I dont want you to think Ive dismissed all your argumentsyouve certainly given me pause and gotten me to think about what my expectations are. I have actually thought about writing in about this one as well. (Seriously? Ive been loving all your responses on this thread. Make up a lease and sign it. Also, I dont expect that the LW is bothered by every person who casually asks this question; Im sure they can tell when someone is just making chit chat vs someone who is interested in spending time together. Were no longer friends because she never wanted to make time to hang out with me; she just wanted free babysitting. I then fully expect to be the person who takes the next step of saying yay! But it needs to be a set rent, that can be codified and set down in a form you could use with any other adult, should the fancy take you. My workmates and I ask all the time stuff like what are you up to tonight/on the weekend? and its almost never a prelude to inviting them to something, its just small talk sharing our lives. People ask this to fill the time while standing at the break room microwave, not bc they want to trap you into revealing state secrets and hardcore kinks. These people arent trying to gotcha! And then coming up with all kinds of bizarre but obvious lies about how they reason theyre acting that way is solely for *my* benefit. Oh, such discerning eyes. I really appreciate that, even though my parents and I had conflict, they never threatened to kick me out if I couldnt pay the rent. Them: We should have lunch soon. This is OT, but if someone would like to explain how its supposed to work in the US, Id appreciate it. I dont want to give you a rundown of my plans. N- New adventure. . I, personally, issue a lot of soft invitations because I actually dont want to go to the trouble of planning something with someone who doesnt want to hang out in the first place? If it is in fact a lead up to an invitation or request I can always either find room for it or say I dont have time. It doesnt sound like a lot of fun to me, though. You're not obligated to tell others your plans for the future, if you even have them. I was surprised what a relief it was to move to a completely different part of the country where I at least have the option of blending in. You just need to say, like, Oh, not sure yet, how about you?. Im sure to him thats bewildering, but to me its bewildering that for so long he simply refused to choose to behave with appropriate respect.
65+ Funny Responses to Everyday Questions! - Self Development Journey I dont want to give you a rundown of my plans. It can mean I want to make plans if youre freewhich, for me at least, isnt so much plan it for me as planning is hard, lets establish if theres even an open time slot before we nail down the details. You may also eagerly seize on these options and/or provide some of your own., (2) Hey, Im looking for someone to cat-sit while Im out of town for the next three months. You: Oh, I have a few plans but Im free for the good stuff!. Im usually free Wednesdays and Thursdays, or I could do a weekend if we plan ahead., Translation: I want to have dinner with you sometime. Thats a great answer! It leaves me an opening to decline politely once everything has been said.
30 Best Bumble Prompt Answers for Guys (with Screenshots) - emlovz They are called Saturday and Sunday." - Anonymous 3. "Great, thanks for asking" is a generic response that you can use when you receive a "how's your day going" message. He doesnt need to be that nosy about how you spend your time. In the UK I think some places greet each other with all right? all right? and nobody blinks an eye. I get annoyed when family members pose the invitation as Youre coming to Grans on Saturday, right? To which Im like, Uh, whats happening on Saturday? And they stare at me like Im a monster for not knowing it was Sallys third step daughters cousins middle school graduation theyre celebrating on Saturday. How am I right now? Agreed I dont think that the question signals the other person should do all the planning, i think its a way to judge how willing and able they are to hang out sometime in the immediate future. Vagueing it up works for me. parents of adult children pull this exact same rude little stunt, I am the parent of an adult child who is living at home, and I have been training myself since her teenhood to say, I would like to claim some of your time this weekend or I would like to ask a favor for this weekend, if youre available. or would you help me with X instead of are you busy? (OK, sometimes Ill say, Are you busy?
17 Funniest Running Memes - Which One's Do You Relate To? - RunToTheFinish At least once I figured out that they genuinely *didnt* need to know anything about me if they were going to behave that way I could default to oh my god Im so busy! [Note to my friend who also reads CA, this is not you ], I tend to do direct invites, sometimes with a range of possible dates, but I have occasionally done the We should do [X] sometime! and had months go by without getting around to organizing [X], even if Ive extended other invitations to the person also interested in [X]. Everyone knows most people mean it well, its small talk, etc but these things ARE not nice to be the receiver of. 2. To me, thats pretty manipulative and when its done I generally conclude that its done on purpose. Try delaying your answer and then see if taking the pressure off yourself to answer the question or commit to stuff helps you feel less annoyed by this question. It sounds like he'd get into some fun and adventurous dates. And then when you part somebody accidentally says love you, too. Thats how it always happens for me, anyway. And we do have fun and hang out occasionally. 1. My small college town has become a lot more cosmopolitan over my lifetime, and weve got enough of an international population now that Im deeply curious about many of the customers at the store where I work. I am a Guess person, and that is not going to change (and I often feel annoyed at people who seem to think that it shouldmy brain wiring is okay, too! How about you?. Had it been a long time since shed asked him? To contact our editors please use our contact form. It can be all consuming, leaving no time for askers invitations or request, or totally flexible and cancellable if there is something you would like to do. Why not be honest? Or only if you consider it important? Try to be kind and positive in your response. I understand commenters who dont see this question as anything more than polite small talk. Ze might, but you dont actually need an excuse to not provide free labor on demand. I wish that just once I had the wherewithal to respond to a manipulative invitation like LW describes with the classic Phoebe Buffet line: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.. And we do know that extreme surveillance is a very brutal and destructive form of torture. At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. All right, good, fine, grand are the normal answers, and then its repeated back. One evening he bragged that he never outright asked anyone to do anything for him. What are you doing this weekend? As I stated above, it can even affect quality of healthcare and employment opportunities. I can ask them on Monday how it was. (So Tuesday is the only day safe from that question, ha. Right now? Its usually along the lines of what are you doing on April 17th? Of course I dont likely have plans that far away, and I feel tricked into committing to be his date for some boring thing on a precious Saturday evening. I am on the spectrum, so I would anxiety-spiral about whether, once again, I missed a basic social skill everyone else learned in kindergarten. I dont use it myself because I dont like the way it comes across. Or Can't complain. So, it's important to read the situation and know how well the person asking you out will respond to a little joke. Not much fun, but also not optional right now. (Aunt doesnt need to know whether your laundry has reached the point of not going to have clean clothes to wear or not.). That! and she looked really pissed off, and I worried that maybe it sounded like I was looking for an excuse, any excuse, to get out of whatever she was proposing. Thats my go-to when someone asks me what I am doing at some point in the near future. If I were any better, I'd be you. leaving them vulnerable to all kinds of predation as teens and young adults. You can answer a pleasant: Nothing much! or Youre looking at it, breakfast was great! or I hope you get some free time later today, the weather is lovely! without worrying about it at all. Im right there with you. Oh LW this might be one of my very biggest pet peeves. LW, if it makes you feel any better, when many people ask this question, they arent doing it to trap you into something (though some are, of course). And sometimes the answer is well but if they respond that way theyre not your friends anyway, but we interact with a lot of people who are not our friends but who are important to our lives (coworkers, for example, or in-laws) and yet who can levy that cost. If you dont want to go, just say so. But Im willing to bet that LW knows that, and the reason he/she feels annoyed with the people asking it in his/her life are because theres a pattern and something bigger at work like maybe people trying to get him/her to do stuff, or, as he/she noted, people who want to hang out, but with him/her doing all the planning work. I also (insert similar hobby or interest). Can I get back to you later? In truth that is an honest answer, my schedule would fall like a house of cards without my calendar and unless it is an emergency I truly have to check it. And in my experience, parents of adult children dont assign their childrens plans (and wishes) the same priority as their own plans (and wishes). But if I dont, I have that empathy worry, like what if they only said yes because they felt like they couldnt say no? It's nice that they want to know about your plans, but their curiosity can feel more like an interrogation. If it doesnt work with my schedule, I will tell you. This will not go away. My current boss is a total jerk. Can we not with passing judgement on the validity of the LWs feelings about this phrase? Are you busy? Yep yep yep. Ill let you know closer to the day if thats okay. If it requires more notice, I tell them to count me out. Ive spent some time in California and I never really know how to respond correctly. But it can also just mean I love you and want to hear about things youre doing that youre excited about; it comes up all the time with friends who live far away! But no one argues against working! And I had to say to her, over the airport thing: Act like a grownup. Here in Scandinavia using this question might lead to really strange conversations since people might assume that it is indeed a serious question which deserves a serious and thorough answer (though this varies between different countries and areas). You know the people youre interacting with and their likely motivations better than we do, of course, and definitely use the Captains scripts and bat the ball back across the net with I dont know, how about you? But I wonder if it would help to make these interactions less frustrating for you if you tried not to think of them as someone trying to get something from you that you dont want to give. Although I have one co-worker who apparently does laundry on weekdays sometimes. Yes, people use this question for all kinds of reasons, as LW said. Because everybodys got something. @TootsNYC Just wanted to say that I really like the phrasing you spell out in your first comment, in that youre acknowledging that youre making a request for your daughters time and effort. My Kid: No (shuts door) You can try to head it off by always responding with some activity youre doing that could theoretically make you busy if it turns out you need to be busy But frankly if someone is trying to manipulate you then you have a manipulative person problem, not a specific question problem. eh, my mother does that. I never thought about the fact that some people might be actually trying to relieve the pressure! but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. Me: Working. To those who are wondering why this is such a big deal when its just a social pleasantries thing: I *almost* put this in my original questions but left it out for length and (I thought) irrelevance -The question does not bug me at all when people ask at work or social functions as a way to make conversation. For acquaintances, the way you do in Sweden will also work in the US. When I issue a soft invitation I am often not sure if the person wants to hang out at all, and getting a Yes, get in touch and let me know when youd like to do something would encourage me to go on and do the planning whereas Yeah, we really should I would be more likely to read as I dont really want to do anything. And asking someone what theyre doing is not the same as issuing an invitation. (Full disclosure: Whole in-law family are control freaks and this type of thing IS a setup with them. It sounds like you find the second uncomfortable or have had bad experiences with people misusing it to manipulate you. Once we own that, and stop feeling guilty, etc., it becomes easier to seize the power, and it becomes easier to think of what we ARE going to say. Going to mars where children don't ask questions. A question is not a legal summons, you can literally ignore it if you want! Later the grad students said the table turned to remarking on the professor as soon as she was out of earshot, including their surprise that she could be a professor of engineering. For grocery store cashiers, I keep the answer short: Wet, on a rainy day, or Need more coffee this one particularly for coffee shop baristas, who probably hear it too often. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. 8. And then deflect back on to them. Ex.1. As a little anecdote my ex-husband and I had just started attending a new ward in his church when a guy our age wed chatted with a few times asked us what we were doing on Halloween. Me: .No. Like if I can magically guess the exact time theyre free and what they want to do with literally no input from them I guess I win hanging out with someone who wasnt that enthusiastic with the suggestion that we make plans? Nobody seems to be doing well by this arrangement. Be polite. I hate ditherers with the passion of a thousand suns. Why do you ask, why, is something happening, and why, whats up are different answers that extend the convo while not telling porkies. LW here. I mountain bike every weekend! Catching up on sleep, doing chores, spending time with my partner. . While we're sure there are plenty more things people do for fun, these are some good hobbies to mention: Outdoors activities like rock climbing, hiking, cycling, etc. 3. But when asking, I still tend to ask in layers so the other person has many outs to either say no or express no. I'll leave you to be the judge of when it's most appropriate, all . This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list. Mittens and I can primal scream together. If you dont want to do something tell them youre not allowed and your parents are really strict etc. And then both go on to other things. Examples include: Good, nice sunny day out there. I feel like something mundane like chores will get some pushback, or wont be seen as a task that takes up the whole day(s) off (if I do laundry Saturday, I can still go out Sunday! Probably just working on some homework. He said, Oh yeah? and just went on, no indication that he was asking for any reason other than general curiosity. Ive heard its a very Southern California thing and that people from other places are annoyed by it. "See, I will finally make you smile.". ), This is one of those times where having a live-in or serious SO/partner/spouse is super convenient. "Have a happy Saturday." 2) "It's almost the weekend." 3) "And just like thatPoof! One morning when we were together he asked, So what are your plans for tonight? I said, Oh I dont know. Something like this happens every single time. At least Im bright enough to stay out of the control panel and remember my passwords. Because people look forward to the weekend, they often start talking about it as early as Wednesday. Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you?" Table of contents: I'm Better on the inside than I Look on the outside Can't Complain. Do I think X is a fair thing to insist upon? I learned to say Ill see where the weekend takes me, which leaves me open to accept invitations if I want to or to decline to work on Sunday if I dont want to. Again with the caveat that you have to tell the person whom youve used as an excuse that youve done so! Rob: Hey Jan. Good, thanks, you? You always say Im working on my crochet projects this weekend. Im saying lets not be unkind to the LW for disliking or feeling stress about this particular social situation. Copyright 2011 thru 2023 Jennifer Peepas, all rights reserved. This realization makes me like Tuesdays more.) interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. You? and see if he gets stuck in a loop. Accompany your morning treating with a Halloween wish. Can you repeat what you just said?
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