husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

If I went home today and told my husband, My work is sending me on a business trip to Las Vegas in 3 months, this would be his response: Wow, honey, thats great! Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. Plus, I like to travel so it was a good excuse. Yeah, I had a boyfriend in college who Id started dating after being part of the same friend group as him for a long time. My husband and I both grew up in very traditional conservative homes, and so his support of my career means a lot to me. Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. Yeah, it might not be the safest if youre wandering around at night by yourself (just like anywhere, really), but aside from being irritated by the smoke in the casino areas, I had no issues whatsoever. If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. Roppongi it is! Everyone agrees with me and thinks youre unreasonable and crazy. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner Sometimes folks with untreated anxiety hear what they want to hear. For me, this is a differentiation between asking for permission from the perspective of consideration for the other person (kids are the #1 reason here), and asking for permission because the nature of your relationship dictates that one person gets to decide what the other person can/should be doing. You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. And when he would occasionally go to conferences for work, she trusted him as well. Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. Its adult Disneyland with spendy big-name restaurants, booze and slot machines, at this point. Im not judging one way or another Im simply suggesting that you look at your relationship through a bigger lens than just this trip. In fact, were taking separate vacations this year not to Vegas, but we each wanted something completely different, so were going at different times to different parts of the world. Perhaps its a typo, at first glance I thought it said wouldnt as its an awkward construction otherwise. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. I asked three people: Me, myself, and I. It makes me uneasy and I dont want to let her go. Lastly, there are some religious communities where it would be fairly normal for the husband not to let the wife travel, and for worries about infidelity to be one of the main reasons why. When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. Nope. Im glad you have found enough awareness around this issue to help you handle it. My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). My mom too! He doesnt completely get it and I know hed rather I not go, but he definitely doesnt tell me I cant. Does he not control other things about your life OP? But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. Yes, this. It may not necessarily be abusive, but it is controlling it doesnt get a pass just because other people would do it. I dont gamble much. In which case OP should divorce his sorry ass posthaste, because those guys are genuinely dangerous and also do not deserve companionship. If he was just bummed to be at home alone while shes gone, or something. That was plenty for me, for the social experience.). Not the least of which is that the people involved all made that choice for themselves there was no issues of someone letting or not. Mind you, I never told them that they shouldnt go (did tell my wife at the WTF? And his anxiety is HIS to manage, not hers. You really really need to have those shirts washed in that way? I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. I think some boundaries are needed here. I actually agree that the comment section here can jump to that explanation a little too quickly and without anything in the letter to support it, but they arent in hysterics about it. Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. It is a huge trust issue. Absolutely OP should seek out couples counseling, but if the husbands concerns are a reflection or enhancement of their religion or culture, just be really careful in vetting the counselor/therapist they choose to work with. Sorry not sorry. I also love Vegas. So, hell have to ban the East Coast, too. In Amish country. On the other hand, the OP could surely use some help in setting some reasonable boundaries and communicating as effectively as possible in the circumstances. OP will just run herself ragged reinforcing his fears. To expand a little bit on what Anita and others above have posited: Regardless of whether this is solely an artifact of having absorbed toxic masculinity, or an anxiety/perseverative/compulsive thoughts issue, or some combination thereof, my experience has been that successful treatment of such issues will likely involve at least some behavior change on the part of the OP, and the OP stands to gain a lot of helpful personal skills by being an active participant (as appropriate) in whatever mix of interpersonal, couples, or cognitive behavioral therapy that they find. I didnt have to take many work trips, being a teacher, but I did occasionally go to educational seminars. Companies hold meetings in Vegas because there are tons of conference rooms, hotel rooms, and restaurants, and its easy to get a direct flight there from virtually anywhere in the country, not because there is some bizarre motive to break up marriages or cause scandals among employees. I wonder if the husband is insecure that the wife is the primary breadwinner and might be subconsciously trying to sab0toge her career. Because my husband trusts me. Whoops, tried to highlight he says and stumbled into some html. Hes using the great, ambiguous They to give his personal feelings more weight. I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. Wouldnt that bother you?. My spouse (temporarily) lives in a different state than me and if I call them and they dont answer my mind immediately assumes that theyve been in a car accident. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! He is the one with the heavy lifting, though. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. Whenever we visit, we have to stay in their house, which is dirty and only has one working bathroom. Totally. Sometimes they go on a similar trip for birthdays etc. The thing is, by continuing to comply with his increasingly erratic demands for check-ins, he came to expect them anytime he wanted them so if I went to a movie with friends and didnt tell him, Id come out to literally 30 texts wanting to know where I was. :-). Going to the store and picking out our own groceries is the easiest thing in the world for us. I think that theres value in saying, this could be going on, and it might be something to watch out for, but definitive statements that range far, far beyond whats in the letter are really problematic, both because they can end up being irrelevant and because they can make the OP dismiss the rest of the input being offered, because the read on that particular aspect the situation is incorrect. oh, and the dancing fountains at the Bellagio. Right. You need your job and you need a good career trajectory, even assuming you and your husband stay together and nothing different happens in the future. Except he took a poll of his mom. Ive known many a controlling spouse, but most of them know to keep it in check when it comes to the providers job. Meanwhile, there are fewer property crimes in my very small town than there are in hers, and we havent had a murder since the 1990s. I think Id feel safer there than in my own city, where things can get desolate sometimes. Ill willingly concede that deglove describes something altogether horrible, but deplane is an idiotic, unnecessary, invented word. Absolutely. She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. I go to Vegas twice a year for fun, and while you can get into the seedier side of it IF YOU WANT TO, its also very, VERY easy to not get into it all. Just my two cents. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy?. I hope some of it is helpful to you in some way. If you dont trust me, and I have not given you reason not to, were done. I deeply hope that he is just sort of neurotic and doesnt handle it very well. Im a bit flabbergasted. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. I took a look at the menu for Gordon Ramsays burger place and almost stroked out. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation. (FWIW Im married and work FT and during tax season Ive come home at 10-12 PM. Id also check out books such as When Panic Attacks and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living Life.